AN INTRODUCTION BY CGS PRESIDENT STAN TAYLOR

The Comedian's Golf Society was formed officially at Crews Hill Golf Club in 1978.
It was however as a direct result of a previous meeting at Badgemore Park. Henley, organised by Gil Morris when a few hardy and relatively 'unknown' comics braved the bitterly cold elements playing an impromptu Stapleford, retired to the comfort of the club house with chattering teeth and blue noses and were quickly cured by imbibing liberal doses of almost lethal mixtures of alcohol, the golf? — hilarious !! The evening bacchanal and riotous as one might expect.
At Crewes Hill we now numbered nineteen souls, there were no real casualties from the previous meeting!
The society was born officially, President, Captain, Secretary and committee elected, not without, I might add, some highly diverting and unprintable script. The appointment of Ray Donn as secretary turned out to be stroke of luck for he with his organising genius, subsequently designed our badges, ties, blazers and club motto. We had arrived !!
We also elect other non-comedians from time to time for their invaluable help, these members are called 'Straight Men'.
Like Topsy we have grewed and grewed and now number nearly 200 members, all of whom give unstintingly of their spare time to turn out for golf and charity concerts, wherever and whenever at their own expense. The purpose being to buy and supply what we call "CHUCKLE-BUSES" for severely handicapped children, twelve seater coaches with hydraulic lifting equipment at the rear and occasionally other very necessary hospital equipment.
As President I am proud of them all. for they are the most happy go lucky bunch of leg-pulling. irreverent, mickey taking, bellicose band of golfing maniacs you will ever see and very definitely hear!! We are not all "Stars"', so if you are kind enough to invite us to your golf club, don't expect a galaxy of big names (we have plenty) but those who are not big-time have one attribute in common, it's called 'Talent', come to one of our shows and you will see what I mean.
To all of you who have contributed in sponsoring and finance, our very grateful thanks
for that past and our very warmest regards for the future

Stan Taylor President CGS 1985

 

Gill Morris invited a few comics and friends to Badgemore Golf Club Henley on Thames, in late 1977, a good time was had by all, in the spring of 1978 Stan Taylor also invited a few more comics and some of those that had attended the Badgmore Park gig numbering 19 in total to Crews Hill Golf Club. After the game and during drinks & dinner the idea of a society was nurtured, Stan Taylor was elected Life President, Ray Donn Secretary, Ronnie Twist Treasurer, Johnnie Mans Public Relations and Gil Morris elected the first captain....a name was discussed and chosen......The Comedians Golfing Society was born.....Crews Hill Golf Club......Spring 1978. We called ourselves “Happy Ambassadors of Golf” We wanted to include this motto on our badges etc.....in Latin...We had it translated at Birmingham University to “Legati Ludorum Felices” which in fact translates to “Ambassadors of games happy” so be it. The first Annual Ball January 1979 was arranged at the Hilton Hotel on Park Lane, it was a great success and it made a profit of approx £400, we all thought that was great, also on that night the 2nd VGS captain was announced Terry Mardell, the first captain to be made at the annual event.

CGS Founder Members – 19  

Stan Taylor. Ray Donn. Terry Mardell. Wally Mardell. Gil Morris. Bob Curtiss. Peter Trayling.

Mike Alexander. Ron Twist.  Keith O’Keith. Johnny Mans.  Steve Tracey. Rod Cliff. Tony Dukes.

 Straightman: Rae Halsey SM.  Owen Wooldridge SM.  Derek Pearson SM. Pete Anson SM. Tony Dukes SM

THIS WEBSITE DEDICATED TO ALL DEAR DEPARTED CGS MEMBERS

Ray Donn  Secretary CGS 1978 - 1985

 

AN ODE TO A GOLFER
COMEDIANS GOLFING SOCIETY


A LONELY FIGURE STANDING THERE,
HE TAKES A MIGHTY SWING.
THE MOVEMENT OF HIS ACTION -
IS SUCH A WONDEROUS THING.

HE'S DRESSED IN BOLD CHECK TROUSERS
A SWEATER, AND A HAT.
HE'S ONE OF LONDON'S COMIC'S
...AND HE LOOKS A PROPER PRATT!!

AH YES.... YOU'VE GUESSED WHAT'S HAPPENING,
A COMEDIAN'S GOLFING MATCH.
HE'S TRYING TO WIN THE PRIZES.
HE SAYS HE PLAYS OFF SCRATCH.

HE SAYS HE IS A GOLFER.
...PRETENDS HE KNOWS THE LOT,
KEEP YOUR EYE OF THAT SLY BASTARD...
THAT'S HIS TWENTY-FOURTH AIR SHOT!

NOW LAST WEEK I WAS PLAYING,..
IN ONE OF OUR LAD'S GAMES.
SOME FUNNY THINGS WERE HAPPENING...
....WON'T MENTION ANY NAMES!

THERE'S TERRY AND THERE'S WALLY,
TWO BROTHERS CALLED MARDELL.
WERE THEY PLAYING FAIRLY...?
WERE THEY ? .... K'NELL.

TERRY WAS A FRIEND OF MINE
UNTIL A RECENT GAME
I'VE FOUND OUT HE'S A BLEEDING CHEAT
... AND WALLY IS THE SAME!

THEY'LL SHOUT OUT 'FORE', AND MAKE YOU HIDE
... AND SAY THEY'VE LOST THEIR BALL.
AND EVERYONE IS HUNTING IT.
... ALL COMICS ...ONE AND ALL.

THEN MIDST THE MAD CONFUSION;,
THEY'LL STOP AND LIGHT A FAG.
AND SHOUT "OK ....WE'VE FOUND IT LADS
....TWO INCHES FROM THE FLAG"

OLD J. J.KING'S ANOTHER ONE.
THEY'RE ALL THE BLEEDIN SAME.
THEY'LL STOOP TO ANY LOW DOWN TRICK
TO TRY AND SPOIL YOUR GAME.

IF YOU ARE THERE WITH J.J.
AND THE FAIRWAY IS ALL CLEAR.
HE'LL WAIT FOR YOU TO CONCENTRATE.
...THEN SING AVE MARIA!!

A SECRET DRINKER WE HAVE GOT.
HIS NAME IS RONNTE TWIST.
CAN WE TRUST HIM AS OUR TREASURER...
...WHEN HE'S ALWAYS GETTING PISSED?

WHEN I MET RON, MY HANDICAP...
...WAS EIGHT...OR MAYBE TEN,
AND NOW HE'S TAUGHT ME HOW TO PLAY
... IT'S TWENTY FOUR AGAIN.

BOB CURTISS IS ANOTHER ONE.
A FAIRLY DECENT BLOKE.
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO MARKING SCORES
... BOB CURTISS IS A JOKE.

HE'S GOT YOUR CARD WITHIN HIS GRASP
YOU TRUST HIM ...HE'S THE SCORER.
BUT WHEN YOU GO TO HAND IT IN
... HE'S COVERED IT IN … FLORA,

I GOT TOLD OFF, LAST GAME I PLAYED
... I'M GUILTY, THAT I PLEAD.
I PLAYED A SHOT, AND RIPPED THE GRASS
... GIL MORRIS SAW THE DEED.

I GOT THE TURF... REPLACED IT.
IT MADE ME FEEL QUITE BIG.
ALAS THE DIVOT I HAD USED...
TURNED OUT TO BE GIL'S WIG!!

MIKE ALEXANDER...WHAT A TURD.
OUR LOYAL HANDICAPPER.
GET IN A FOUR-BALL GAME WITH HIM
... HE'S JUST A FRANTIC 'CRAPPER'

HE'LL TAKE A SHOT...THEN TAKE A SHIT
...THEN TAKE: A SHOT AGAIN,
THEN SHIT AND SHOT...AN'D SHOT AND SHIT
...THE SCORE?...SHOTS EIGHT...SHITS TEN!!

THE TROUBLE WITH OUR OUTFIT IS
...THERE'S ALWAYS PEOPLE JOKING.
EXCEPTING KEITH O'KEEFE...THE PIG,
HE'S ALWAYS BLOODY SMOKING,

HE PUFFS...AND PUFFS.. ..AND PUFFS...AND PUFFS
...THE BIGGEST PUFF WE KNOW.
HE'S REALLY GETTING ON MY PIP
... I THINK HE'LL. HAVE TO GO.

IT'S NOT THAT HE CAN'T PLAY THE GAME.
THAT'S NOT THE REASON WHY.
IT'S THE CIGARETTES THAT 'KEEFY' SMOKES
...THEY'RE THE ONES THAT I SUPPLY!!

I CANNOT MENTION ALL THE NAMES
STAN TAYLOR … AND THE REST
THAT PLAY IN OUR SOCIETY...
AND TRY TO DO THEIR BEST.

THE CHARLIE LEA'S.,.. DEREK.PEARSON.
LEE TRACEY … AND THE OTHERS,
WE'RE REALLY ALL. THE BEST OF MATES
...WE’RE REALLY JUST LIKE BROTHERS.

THERE’S RAY DONN ...WHO'S A KNOCKOUT GUY
... HE'S GOT A LOT OF HEART,
HE'S THOUGHTFUL AND HE'S GREAT AT GOLF..
WE KNEW THIS FROM THE START.

HE'S BRAINY, AND HE'S CUNNING...
AND HE'S LIKEABLE ... AND WISE
... NOW THIS IS ALL A 'LOAD OF CRAP’
... BUT HE SUPPLIED THE TIES!


 THE END


AN ODE TO A GOLFER
Copyright © Johnny Mans (CGS)
19TH MAY 1978
Respectful memories of dear and departed members.

 

 
 

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